the return of absence.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Don't you like how that sounds?
The Return of Absence.Like an action-packed movie title featuring the hottest film star with a beautiful blonde bimbo wrapped around his waist. Unfortunately, Cristiano Ronaldo does not have time to gallivant around Hollywood (what's with the battle against Liverpool to remain top of the league and all) and i will never ever allow any blonde bitch near him - so my box office record dreams are forcefully smashed with the force of stampeding elephant.
That's okay though, considering the fact i will never get anywhere near Hollywood if i keep having this wretched writer's block every two millisecond of my time. If i can't even keep a blog alive for more than three consecutive years, how the hell do i write a script to be shown on the wide screen with date lines biting my head off? I seriously need to find my muse somehow.
Needless to say, i've emerged from my shadows and returned with yet another blog with yet another name and yet another colour. There is no specific reason for the choice of layout; it's just something i mixed and matched in hopes that it will go pleasantly well together. Which it did, thank God. And if you must know, there is also no valid explaination as to why i've revamp and move; i just badly need a fresh new start for the fresh new year. So i have not abandoned my confidante, i'm still somewhere around tiny Singapore despite my absence.
Absence of evidence is not an evidence of absence. Whatever that means.
I might not have made an appearance in blogger, but my absence is not an evident that i'm no longer comfortable confiding to an online diary. It simply translates that i'm revealing evidence as to how an independent work life leaves you with no time to blog about absolutely anything - not even that wonderful match my lovely Red Devils won against West Ham! (Giggs is the best evaaaaaa. Right leg babyyy. Awesome.)
So i understand now that i could not run away from explaining my absence. But to define it, i got to get to the bottom of it, and on second, third and fourth thoughts, i realised that absence means nothing. If i were to explain about absence, then i gotta explain about nothing. And how, pray tell, do one explain on 'nothing'?
I wish Ronaldo would define that for me in his ever-sexy Portugese accent, because honestly, the self-proclaimed concise disctionary i found at my work desk was
anything but concise.
Nothing, is a noun defined as ‘no thing, not anything’. Riggghhhtttht.
Frankly, whoever typed that in the dictionary should’ve just left it as a blank space - it would’ve been better and clearer, because the definition given in the dictionary could possibly cause brain aneurysms.
Perhaps ‘nothing’ is invisible. Or perhaps ‘nothing’ does not even exist. When you’re in school, sitting at a desk, picking listlessly at your nails or drawing little caricatures of the teacher in lieu of taking notes, and the said teacher comes up behind you and booms in your ear, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”, you’re so relieved that he hasn’t seen the less-than-flattering picture you drew of him that you blurt out, “Nothing!”
But of course that isn’t true. Even if you deny all knowledge of your artwork or mini-manicure, even if you pretend you weren’t daydreaming, you’re still doing something. At this very moment, nobody is doing ‘nothing’, not even if they’re sitting perfectly still. You’re sitting in a chair at a desk – ‘sitting’ is a verb, which indicates action. You’re blinking and breathing, your fingernails are growing, and blood is pumping around your body. You’re listening to me, you're reading this entry, and understanding it...
No, you’re not. We are, without a doubt, humans faced with a paradox. How can nothing be something if you say it’s nothing? And how can nothing be nothing if you say it’s something?
Quite plainly, nothing could be anything at any given time, but, as I said, it’s nothing. Nothing is full of potential, yet it has none at all. Nothing could be anything. But it’s not. Nothing is both greater and less than anything in the known universe.
Nothing is what a poor man has, a rich man needs (apart from money, a BMW or Mercedes, and a good supply of champagne), and a dead man eats. Nothing is more foolish than allowing Chelsea to buy Quaresma, more savior than Barack Obama, more pointless than Voldemort's death and more humorous than Jeff Dunham and his puppets. Nothing is greater than Allah, more evil than the devil, and more annoying than horrible grammar and vocabulary. Nothing is hotter than Zac Efron and Cristiano Ronaldo, lovelier than my lovely fiancee, and more awesome than Taufik Batisah.
Having said that, even if you disagree with me completely, I hope you have gained a greater understanding of nothing. Nothing is just…well, everything.
I was seriously contemplating bringing something in to share with you all, considering this is the first entry and it's got to be somewhat special. But there wasn’t anything I could bring except
nothing.
So I did.
Just thank your lucky stars that you've seen beyond my sanity and God willing, you're still sane after reading this.
